Whatever SAMA Does Is For The Glory Of God

Photo For Janine Russel

I Miss You

When the night closes all the windows, and turns off all the human lights, I become again the same lonely person…
Keeping away all the dreams is just a dream…
My head is full again of scenes… of times… of ideas…
Almost everything is about you…
I turn the light off by myself… nearly nothing is visible for a while, and then I start to see in the darkness…
It is your photo placed there…
Just one photo… but through it I see thousands…
Every moment we spent together… every smile… and especially every tear…
In the silence, I close my eyes to feel again and again their effect on me…
My body shakes slightly…
There is something I need to live… and I need it back…
I feel you are behind the door… thinking of me… of us…
I put my hands in the pockets… there are no keys…
I stand up… run hurry to hit the block… but no way…
My body is aching…
My heart too…
I hear your voice again from behind it… I hear your tears touching the soil…
I want to cross it to release us…
I love you so much… I love the person you are… I love your heart…
I don’t want you to cry… this makes me a mad man…
I promised I’m a reason for your eternal smile…
My body shakes again… I need you…
I don’t want to cry myself…
I try not to do it…
I believe…
I understand…
I found it…
To open this door is so easy… I will pray as much as I miss you…

Yearning...

SAMA Photography

How could my legs walk? I hope I have no legs…
How could my brain give this order? I hope I have no brain…
How my heart could support this act? I hope I have no heart…
How could I? How could I?
How could I?
I wrote death on my life pages…
I left my freedom to come back into this little prison…
I left our smile to be flooded by tears…
I left the spring to live again the winter…
I left the warmth to be killed by coldness…

What do we feel?!
What do we mean?!
What do we say?!

I’m yearning for our union…
What happened is no more acceptable…
God’s will… This door will never close again…

We couldn’t fish the sun that day… she is lost in the sea…
But she will raise again my love, and she will never leave until we leave…

Ah Ya Albi

I walk away and search for your hand, for your arm to cling on to.
I can't believe what we just did.
I feel almost paralysed.
Everything I do, reminds me of you.
I walk to my desk, and I see you there, reading the latest news, uploading and admiring your photos.
I walk to my room, and smell the pillow your head laid opon, the sheets your body slept on.
Baby, you smell so beautiful.
I hug your pillow and wait to feel your kiss on my forehead, for you to play with my hair...
And suddenly remember it is just a pillow.
I lay there all night, reminiscing, praying, yearning...
There is no difference between day and night.
Hours pass and 8am comes.
I wait for you to come wake me.
I wait for your sweet kiss.
I walk from my room to your room.
"Habibi..."
No answer.
I come to have breakfast.
Mum puts me some hlawet el jibn...
"Sassine likes that" I say.
Food has lost it's taste.
I get my things ready to go to uni, and stumble across the shells we collected that sweet day at the beach.
I remember the rock you reminded me about and run to the jacket.
I smell the bonfire and cannot get enough.
I look in the pockets and find the beanie you wore...
The funny blue and black one with the pompom.
I get dressed and spray Kenzo...
You liked that.
I come across the 'magic powder'...
The one I carried around with the brush everywhere.
I don't need it today.
I get in the car, and it's, you guessed it, Tony Kiwan.
I put on your favourite station.
It doesn't sound the same without holding hands.
On the train I spot two lovers.
Neyaloun.
I fondle for my sunnies and hope that no-one can see through them.
The 35 minute train ride feels like 35 hours.
I make my way to uni.
I don't want to catch the tram, and though time is not permitting, I walk up to uni, along the road we both walked along.
I sit on the bench you waited for me on.
I walk into my lecture and my friend says to me "how are you?"
I choke on my words.
She hugs me, but all I feel is you.
I call your mobile, I know you cannot answer, you are still on the plane, but I still wait for you to pick up.
"Habibi?... Habibi?"
I wear my pyjamas, and put on your slippers.
It's only 3pm, but feels like 3 weeks since you left.
I sort out the papers on my desk and come across the CD you burned for me.
I hope one day I can view these photos.
Right now, I am not game enough.
"Sasso?... Habibi?"
Redd 3allayi.
Please come back...
And never EVER leave me again.